If not for Love.

I am an overthinker. I will have multiple conversations with all the various outcomes in my head before I actually speak to someone. I will think of all the ways something can go horribly wrong, or gloriously right. Made up scenarios give birth to my anxiety. This is me. I can’t take a compliment to save my life, because deep down I feel unworthy. Some days I feel pretty, others I don’t know why any guy would want me. Some days I feel like I can do anything, others I lay in bed all day. I self project my personal view of myself onto others. I’m fully surprised I am in stable relationships that are life giving. I work on my mindset and talk to myself daily. I am trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. The only thing keeping me going is LOVE.

 

love

 

Love comes in various forms. A touch, a smile, a kiss, gifts, words, acts of service… whatever. We give and receive love on a daily basis. If it were not for love, I would not be here right now. My anxiety and depression would have surely taken me about 10 years ago. That’s real. I have never been more broken than losing someone I loved dearly unexpectedly, and then 2 months later waking up from surgery to find out I had my thyroid removed before the cancer had a chance to spread in my body. I don’t talk about 2007 a lot. From staying in my room almost 24/7, pushing everyone I know and love away, not knowing peace, being so angry at God that I refused to acknowledge Him, crying myself to sleep for months, hating who I was, being completely broken and hopeless, to finding the light that was at the end of a very dark and long tunnel. If not for love…

I barely remember most of that year due to my thyroid being so messed up and then non existing. There is a thing called brain fog that we get when out levels are too low. It distorts any cognitive thinking. I lived in that for a few years before they realized my medicine was at about half of what I required. Anyways… My parents never gave up on me. They were always pushing me to keep going, to try and get out of the house. I had a few friends who kept pursuing me even after months of me ignoring them. Their persistence paid off. One day I got out of the house. It was around April of 2008. From that day on I have fought for my life. I decided to LIVE!!!! Yes, it was difficult. Yes, it was worth it.  I have accomplished so many dreams that I almost gave up on. I take a look at the last 10 years and see who I was and who I have become. It’s crazy to think these two different humans share the same skin. I have come a long way, but I know I would not be here today if it were not for Love.
 I challenge you to love with all you have. If someone you love has become a recluse and pushed you away, I encourage you to reach out and show them love. You never know what a smile or text could do. CHOOSE LOVE today.
If you are the one dealing with depression and have blocked everyone out, I’m here to let you know that it is not too late. You can overcome and win! You are so much stronger than you realize. You are loved. Reach out to someone or even me!
group hug
SOB: Glint – sit back, let go
           

2 thoughts on “If not for Love.

  1. Brooke, I love you so much!!! This blog fills me with different emotions – so sorry for all that you have endured and the health issues you still deal with due to no thyroid and so proud of you for the accomplishments you have achieved and the goals you are still pursuing!! I love you my beautiful baby girl!! ❤️

    Like

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