In my last post I wrote about being a dreamer. This time I am going to dig a little deeper and talk about what that looks like in my life. I am not a perfect example nor do I claim to be, I am simply sharing what my life looks like and what has driven me to make the decisions I have. Again, It’s not easy… but it is worth it. As noted in previous post, I am a Christian. I pray. I listen to God and let Him guide me. I follow where I feel peace. This isn’t about chasing the “next big thing” for me. This is about fulfilling my purpose in life and doing everything I can to help others to the best of my ability. okay… here we go.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
From a young age I have always prayed for God to use me. I feel like my purpose in life is to love people well. Sometimes that is REALLY REALLY hard to do (I’m sure you’re thinking of a few people right now… well, me too), but when it boils down to our human existence, we all desire and deserve to be loved. Love comes in many forms and is shown and received differently from person to person. I find that just sitting and talking with people, allowing them to express themselves without any judgement or strings attached, is one of the best ways for me to love. This is also called building community. I am a firm believer in establishing trust and comfort and safety within a group of people for a common good and purpose. WE NEED EACH OTHER. I will echo this refrain for all my days. We were not created to be alone. We literally need each other. Building community with the people around you is so important. How are we suppose to help our neighbor if we don’t even know they are hurting? What does this have to do with dreaming? Well, in praying to be used I’ve seen some crazy doors open in my life. I have been able to love people I never thought possible. Everywhere I go, I take it as a chance to create that community and share love with the people I am surrounded by. Yes, it hurts. Pouring life into people usually does. Leaving behind some wonderful hearts is never something I look forward to, but I know they are in my life and I cherish the memories we have shared. My prayer is this… Those seeds which have been planted shall reap and be sown 100x more than I am able to do. We all have something to offer to this world, we just have to be bold enough to share it.
Dreaming with God has been this crazy roller coaster of “There is no way that I will ever be able to do that” to “I can not believe that I actually got to do that”. I fret over finances, over hypothetical failures, missing out on time with people, missing out on my own time, and the list goes on. All of these things seem so big in the moment, but God always gives me peace and things always work out for the better in the long run. When I moved back to Louisiana, I saw it as a failure. I hated living here. I was depressed for the first year. That’s truth. As I opened up and started to find myself again, I fell into community with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I have learned to trust the process and be involved in life as it is happening. I still have a fire burning on the inside to go and share love all around this world. I still know I am going somewhere else, but for now, I am enjoying my time with people who love me and I love them. I am dreaming bigger and planning accordingly. I am not limiting myself to a cookie cutter lifestyle. I am believing in the more and chasing it with a logistical approach of faith and planning.
The waiting season is the hardest part. Knowing you’re leaving, but still remaining involved and present is a fine line to balance. Preparing your heart for sorrow and new adventure. It is truly bittersweet. For me, it’s the eye of a hurricane. The calm in the midst of this beautiful storm we calm life. You’ve been through one band of winds and rains and now you’re just waiting… watching… listening… During this time is when I am most sensitive. I swear to you, I cry more days a week than not. Especially now that I am older. I see so much more beauty in the small moments, I am more free to be real with God about my feelings, I am open to loving deeper. So… don’t be afraid of change, it’s the only way to grow.
Song of the Blog: Jason Upton – Mountain to Valley
This song has been my go to as of late. It pretty much sums up how I feel about not knowing and having to trust God. I just put this song on and let the tears fall. I am not going to tell you how many times I have put this song on repeat… it’s a lot, okay? okay.