SO… I guess this is long overdue. I haven’t posted in a while mainly due to the fact I haven’t been able to type because apparently when you turn 30 everything starts to fall apart. Well, I am back!!! I have so much stirring in me to write about! Let’s dive in…
God, where are You? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uttered this phrase over my lifetime. From losing my aunt to cancer unexpectedly, to having cancer myself, being depressed, losing friends, people dying, and various other circumstances have caused me to question Him. I do not think it’s an unfair question to ask. In my darkest moments, I have searched for the light. I am an adult. I have experienced things I can not explain. I have felt peace in the midst of storms and yet I still question Him from time to time. I know I am not alone in this. The difference between then and now is that I do not beat myself up for it. I talk to God more now than I ever did and I feel like the more authentic I am with Him the closer our relationship. Just because you don’t say what you’re thinking out loud doesn’t mean He can not hear it. Why keep it inside? Just say it. He knows what you’re thinking already. It doesn’t make you more holy to not actually voice your doubt. Communication is the key to any relationship, why treat God different? When we go through hardships in life and have horrible things happen to us or our loved ones, it’s hard to trust a God we can not see, but that is when we feel Him the most. He is our peace. He is our rock. He is our comfort. He is. . . everything.
Recently I went to my first therapy session. I have had all of these emotions stored up inside just waiting for the right moment to open the door. Let me tell you… the door swung open and the flood began. I have never cried so much with a stranger. It was heckin’ awkward, yes, but it was so liberating. I wanted to share a little about my experience and how my life has changed from learning one simple coping mechanism. Invite Jesus in. Don’t block out the trauma. Just go there, visit it, and invite Jesus in. Allow Him to enter that darkness with you and comfort you. Y’all… LIFE CHANGING. All of a sudden, these moments weren’t as scary. I wasn’t alone anymore. He was with me in those moments. I’m not saying it’s a one and done kind of thing, but it is a start down the road to healing.
I still struggle with darkness. I deal with pain. I don’t expect it all to just leave. I understand healing is a process and life is full of joy and suffering. If you need to talk to someone or you have questions, feel free to reach out! Communication is a beautiful thing. We are here for you.
SOB: Kari Jobe – You are for me. This song speaks for itself.